Most of today was terrible. 
I had a really rough Christmas with my family. 
They don’t treat me like I matter to them - which gets to me - but also I just don’t understand it. 

Tonight, I had Christmas with my friends. Opened the first present of the day, which was so nice. Now, I KNOW Christmas isn’t about presents - it still just kind of bummed me out that I’m the family member who didn’t get a gift. It’s whatever. 

Anyway, I spent Christmas with these people. 

Back row: Gabi, me, Matty, Kyle & Ry
Front: Cody & Jen

I loved it. 
We exchanged gifts, played games and laughed a lot. 
It blows my mind how these wonderful people who aren’t forced to be in my life - are. 
I thought about it a lot while talking to Jen tonight.

I might not always feel like I fit in with them (because, growing up in my family I don’t really always feel like I fit in anywhere) but they ALWAYS love me and accept me. It blows my mind. I don’t understand it. How the heck did I get so blessed? I don’t feel like I deserve that at all. I haven’t gotten it by people I’m related to so how do I get it from people who absolutely do not HAVE to have me in their lives at all? I’m blessed. I’m the most blessed and I’m TOO thankful for it.

I really do not know how or why I got to have any friends or anyone care about me in the first place. But OH MY HEART am I glad that I have it. 

That lead me to thinking about how blessed I am to have God. 
He loves me, ALWAYS and especially when I’m at my worst. 
I CANNOT WRAP MY MIND AROUND THAT. 
And He gave me those friends! 
He put people in my life that just care about me, for whatever reason, even when I think it’s impossible. AND HE CARES TOO! 
I just, I cannot. I’m so blessed. I keep saying it because it keeps being true. 

Merry Christmas, for real. 
I just love everybody and having God and my great friends warms every room of my heart.