Indirect Message of My Jumbled Thoughts.
I feel angry at you. I feel like what you did was cruel and like you wanted to hurt me on purpose. I pray that those feelings are lies from Satan. But how can I NOT feel that way, at least right now? You knew what would hurt me and you did that. You, above most other humans, knew the in’s and out’s of my heart. You knew them all and you knew them well. You had the blueprints and everything. And you did just what would work to hurt me, and that’s what you did. But, I guess you having those blueprints was my own fault - I gave them to you. Maybe I was wrong in that. Was I wrong in doing that? Maybe I wasn’t ever supposed to. I’m not positive. I’m really not.
Saying everything that happened out loud really destroyed me. The only conclusion I kept coming back to was that there was no way you care about me now and probably no way you ever did. Is that Satan feeding me lies? Is it just a thought influenced by friends? Or is it something that’s real? It’s hard to tell because I’m not so sure myself. I want to believe you did. I really want to believe that. But I just don’t know. I can’t know for sure. To make matters worse, you’re the human I want to go to when things are like this. Can I go to you anymore? I don’t feel like I can. I do miss you, all the time. I would love to be friends with you and figure all of this out. But I’m still hurting, and this is hard. I’ve been going to God with everything so frequently, but I’m still not positive on what is a lie and what is the truth. That’s hard.
The other day you sent me something on here that I didn’t understand. When I asked about it, you didn’t say anything back. I know getting ahold of each other is proving difficult right now, so I didn’t expect an answer right away. But I know you’ve been on here, and had to have seen it - so why couldn’t you just say something? I feel like it would have been so easy. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m okay with being wrong. So often lately I hope I’m wrong, really.
But still, ultimately, I do miss you. I miss you all the time and I want my friend back. I love you still. You’re still unbelievably important to me. How could you not be? You are. This is hard. This is hurting me. I’m hurting.
Indirect Message of My Jumbled Thoughts.
I feel angry at you. I feel like what you did was cruel and like you wanted to hurt me on purpose. I pray that those feelings are lies from Satan. But how can I NOT feel that way, at least right now? You knew what would hurt me and you did that. You, above most other humans, knew the in’s and out’s of my heart. You knew them all and you knew them well. You had the blueprints and everything. And you did just what would work to hurt me, and that’s what you did. But, I guess you having those blueprints was my own fault - I gave them to you. Maybe I was wrong in that. Was I wrong in doing that? Maybe I wasn’t ever supposed to. I’m not positive. I’m really not.
Saying everything that happened out loud really destroyed me. The only conclusion I kept coming back to was that there was no way you care about me now and probably no way you ever did. Is that Satan feeding me lies? Is it just a thought influenced by friends? Or is it something that’s real? It’s hard to tell because I’m not so sure myself. I want to believe you did. I really want to believe that. But I just don’t know. I can’t know for sure. To make matters worse, you’re the human I want to go to when things are like this. Can I go to you anymore? I don’t feel like I can. I do miss you, all the time. I would love to be friends with you and figure all of this out. But I’m still hurting, and this is hard. I’ve been going to God with everything so frequently, but I’m still not positive on what is a lie and what is the truth. That’s hard.
The other day you sent me something on here that I didn’t understand. When I asked about it, you didn’t say anything back. I know getting ahold of each other is proving difficult right now, so I didn’t expect an answer right away. But I know you’ve been on here, and had to have seen it - so why couldn’t you just say something? I feel like it would have been so easy. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m okay with being wrong. So often lately I hope I’m wrong, really.
But still, ultimately, I do miss you. I miss you all the time and I want my friend back. I love you still. You’re still unbelievably important to me. How could you not be? You are. This is hard. This is hurting me. I’m hurting.
